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Good evening.

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We decided to utilize assembly line
methods in the making of our shows.

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Mine is the last operation.

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You will notice one of our productions
coming along now.

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A sprinkle or so of saccharin.

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A little pruning.

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One.

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Two commercials.

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Three commercials.

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Here's another one.

11
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I can see this is going to keep me quite
busy. In the meantime, suppose you look

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at one of the finished products.

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Good morning. Morning.

14
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Can we be of assistance?

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Well, yes, I'd like some information.

16
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Well, of course.

17
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You have lost a loved one.

18
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Well, it's rather difficult to talk
about.

19
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Well, of course.

20
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Shall we step into the counseling room?

21
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Thank you.

22
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Please.

23
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Now.

24
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I'd like some information.

25
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Well, about a funeral.

26
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Well, of course.

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At a time like this, the bereaved
usually has a number of questions.

28
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Now, I think you'll find it easier if we
fill out this form.

29
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What form?

30
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Well, the necessary details.

31
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The disposition of the remains, the name
of the deceased, and so on.

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Could that wait for later? I'm really
interested in the arrangements.

33
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Oh, certainly. I understand exactly.

34
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Shall we start with the casket, then?

35
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If it's customary.

36
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Certainly. We always want our clients to
know exactly what they're getting.

37
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Shall we step this way?

38
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Now, here's our dignity service.

39
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This model has been most popular with
our clients.

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This model, not including a floral
selection and a gift to the officiate,

41
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cost $2 ,600.

42
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$2 ,600?

43
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Too expensive?

44
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Never mind.

45
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Over here, we have something a little
bit cheaper.

46
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Scale to meet the needs of everyone.

47
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The peerless model.

48
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It combines simplicity with good taste.

49
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Actually, what I had in mind was
something more colorful.

50
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You mean something more elaborate?

51
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Yes. Oh, in that case, allow me to
recommend this.

52
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Our supremacy service.

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The casket of finest mahogany, with
branched embellishments, and lined with

54
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quilted satin.

55
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Our private chapel banked with flowers.

56
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Music by the finest organist in the
city.

57
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A service, if I may say so, fit for a
king.

58
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And the cost is only $4 ,780.

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Think of it as a mass tribute to your
loved one.

60
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I'll take it. You will never regret the
supremacy service.

61
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Now, for a few necessary details, what
physician

62
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signed the death certificate?

63
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Oh, I'm afraid there isn't any death
certificate.

64
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No death certificate? No.

65
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Well, this is most irregular.

66
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What is the name of the deceased?

67
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Well, there isn't any deceased.

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Yes.

69
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And then, Leonard, I had to get up and I
had to drag myself just as thick as I

70
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am all the way to the front door.

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Mr. Thompson?

72
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And it was that man from the cleaners.

73
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Oh, Cicero, honey, now, shh.

74
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Our mom is talking.

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Leonard?

76
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No, listen to me. He wanted the bill for
the last two months. Now, I gave you

77
00:06:10,250 --> 00:06:13,029
the money for that bill, Leonard. What
did you do with it?

78
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Did you spend it at that terrible old
curio shop?

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Because if you did, Leonard... Now, I've
told you, if you waste any more of our

80
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money that way... Oh, Cicero, now, hush
now.

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Elsie, I haven't been in Mr. Bradshaw's
shop for a couple of months.

82
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And to... You must know the truth.

83
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There was a collection made in the
office for one of the girls who had an

84
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accident.

85
00:06:43,010 --> 00:06:44,790
Well, of course I gave it to them.

86
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I didn't want them to think that my wife
just only gave me lunch money.

87
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Elsie, I didn't mean it that way.

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If you would only listen to me, I... Mr.
Compton?

89
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Yes, hold it.

90
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Yes. Mr. Andrews is waiting. It's very
urgent. Yes, I know. I'll be right

91
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Thank you.

92
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Elsie, I can't talk to you now. I'll
call you back. All right, Leonard.

93
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You go.

94
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But don't think that I'm going to forget
this.

95
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You have no idea of the value of money.
I have to drum it into you.

96
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You're going to have to realize that
money doesn't grow on trees.

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Mr. Bradshaw?

98
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Hello?

99
00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:07,550
Mr. Bradshaw?

100
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Well, Mr.

101
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Compson. Haven't seen you in quite some
time. Well, your door was unlocked.

102
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,160
Well, I was about to close up.

103
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What can we do for you? Well, if you're
closing, maybe I'd better come back

104
00:08:22,340 --> 00:08:24,660
another time. Oh, no, I wouldn't hear of
it.

105
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As a matter of fact, I've been wanting
to get a hold of you, show you some

106
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:29,879
that I got here.

107
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Oh, good.

108
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Here.

109
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Take a look at this witch doctor's mask.

110
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Come from the Solomon Islands.

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Ugly thing, isn't it?

112
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Yeah.

113
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Is that a ceremonial mask?

114
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Yes, it's used in the head -hunting
dance before the tribe sets out to lop

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noggins off a few of their neighbors.

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Would you like to have it, Mr. Coulson?
No, thanks.

117
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I've already bought two masks from you.

118
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So you have.

119
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How sweet of her.

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Here's a little item that you might
enjoy.

121
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It's a blowgun made by African pygmies.

122
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Shoots poison darts.

123
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Poison darts?

124
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That genuine article. Here.

125
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You see that brown goo there on the tip?

126
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That's the poison.

127
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I got this from a French sailor.

128
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I haven't even had a chance to clean it
off yet.

129
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Pygmy blows.

130
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A dart hits a monkey up in a tree, down
comes a monkey dead in a doornail.

131
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Just a scratch is all it takes.

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Really? As quick as that?

133
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Yeah.

134
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As a matter of fact, maybe I could... I
couldn't sell it to you until I cleaned

135
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it up.

136
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Can't go around selling people poison
darts now, could it?

137
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No, I guess not.

138
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Howsoever, if you want me to, I can lay
it away for you.

139
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No, I'm just looking today.

140
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To tell the truth, my wife doesn't like
my hobby.

141
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Women, they just don't seem to have the
spirit of adventure, do they, Mr.

142
00:10:00,111 --> 00:10:03,829
Thompson? They sure don't. But as long
as you're here, let me show you a couple

143
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of beauties I got in from Persia.

144
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Here.

145
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Taste. Hold it.

146
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Feel that balance.

147
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It's just as sharp as a razor.

148
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Why go into a man like cutting hot
butter?

149
00:10:25,860 --> 00:10:29,440
Yeah, but once you got it in, how would
you get it out?

150
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I think this will help you, Mrs.
Compson.

151
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:42,200
Thank you, Dr. Maxwell. I know it will.

152
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I'd like you to stop in again tomorrow,
just to check.

153
00:10:45,671 --> 00:10:47,219
Yes, of course, if you want me to.

154
00:10:47,220 --> 00:10:49,200
Oh, I do, because, doctor...

155
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You don't know how I suffer sometimes.

156
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You know that for 15 years I've been an
invalid because of him.

157
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Ever since he took me on that horrible
trip to Haiti.

158
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:02,610
Haiti?

159
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,130
Yes.

160
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,160
Oh, that's where I had my accident.

161
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He insisted that I go with him and I
climb some old ruins.

162
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And I got dizzy and I fell.

163
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And I was in a cast for months.

164
00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,180
And then... This pain started.

165
00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:26,700
Doctor, do you think if I got some heat
treatments it would help?

166
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:31,540
Well, Mrs. Compson, if you take my
advice... Leonard, is that you?

167
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,050
Well, come in.

168
00:11:35,260 --> 00:11:36,340
You're late, Leonard.

169
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,500
I had a few things to attend to. This is
Dr. Maxwell.

170
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:42,370
Doctor, my husband.

171
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:45,890
How do you do, Mr. Compson? I'm glad to
have the chance to meet you.

172
00:11:45,891 --> 00:11:48,599
I was just telling your wife I think she
ought to have a little exercise, such

173
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:49,219
as walking.

174
00:11:49,220 --> 00:11:50,960
Dr. Maxwell has been so encouraging.

175
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:52,450
Thank you.

176
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,160
Until tomorrow, Doctor.

177
00:11:55,700 --> 00:11:56,840
Right, Mrs. Compson.

178
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:01,860
I brought you milk.

179
00:12:08,820 --> 00:12:10,280
Another new doctor, Elsie?

180
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,610
You really don't want me to get well, do
you, Leonard?

181
00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:18,810
Years ago, Dr.

182
00:12:18,811 --> 00:12:20,799
Barnes said you should have some
exercise.

183
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,060
Never mind what Dr.

184
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:23,330
Barnes said.

185
00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:27,310
You're disappointed because Dr. Maxwell
is going to help me.

186
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:34,650
You'd just rather I would die, wouldn't
you, Leonard?

187
00:12:35,820 --> 00:12:37,320
How can you say such a thing?

188
00:12:39,020 --> 00:12:40,560
You think I don't know it?

189
00:12:40,561 --> 00:12:44,949
Ever since you dragged me off to that
horrible trip to Haiti, you've been

190
00:12:44,950 --> 00:12:46,000
wanting me dead.

191
00:12:46,730 --> 00:12:51,209
So you could go on your trip to the
South Seas or the Orient or any one of

192
00:12:51,210 --> 00:12:52,830
nasty little foreign countries.

193
00:12:53,510 --> 00:12:55,530
Elsie, I'm sorry about the accident.

194
00:12:56,030 --> 00:13:01,529
I know it's my fault. You go to that
curio shop and you get out of there and

195
00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:06,370
think you're Leonard Compson, great
white hunter, or something equally

196
00:13:07,750 --> 00:13:10,400
Leonard, you're pathetic. You couldn't
kill a mouse.

197
00:13:13,550 --> 00:13:14,930
I might surprise you, Elsie.

198
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:20,470
The only way that you could surprise me
is to act like a man.

199
00:13:25,550 --> 00:13:26,990
And you're going to have to.

200
00:13:28,290 --> 00:13:30,530
You're going to have to ask for a raise.

201
00:13:31,070 --> 00:13:32,990
You're going to have to make more money.

202
00:13:33,410 --> 00:13:37,289
You're going to have to hire a real
housekeeper because I'm sick of your

203
00:13:37,290 --> 00:13:40,960
and I'm sick of that sloppy cleaning
woman who comes here only once a week.

204
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:49,000
You are going to have to take care of
me, Leonard.

205
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:54,660
The way a husband should take care of a
wife that he has made a cripple of.

206
00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:59,660
You know what Dr. Maxwell said to me?

207
00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:06,760
He said that if I take care of myself, I
can live another 30 years.

208
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:09,040
You hear that, Leonard?

209
00:14:09,740 --> 00:14:11,200
Another 30 years.

210
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:20,010
Mr. Simms.

211
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,170
Mr.

212
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:25,740
Compton. Mr. Simms, I want you to handle
all the details.

213
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:27,410
Well, fine.

214
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:29,780
You still want the supremacy service?
Yes.

215
00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:34,500
And here, $4 ,780 in cash.

216
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:38,460
I want $4 ,780 of Simms' service.

217
00:14:38,740 --> 00:14:40,900
Why, quite so, Mr. Compton, quite so.

218
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,300
You will be completely satisfied.

219
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,540
We will outdo ourselves.

220
00:14:46,580 --> 00:14:47,700
I'm counting on that.

221
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,500
Now for a few necessary details.

222
00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:53,520
What is the name of the deceased?

223
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:56,540
You don't have to worry about that now.

224
00:14:57,660 --> 00:15:01,520
Here's the address. I want you to come
by tomorrow evening to collect the

225
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,220
Yes, but this is most irregular.

226
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,190
Shall we say tomorrow evening at eight o
'clock?

227
00:15:08,191 --> 00:15:09,419
Eight o 'clock?

228
00:15:09,420 --> 00:15:10,470
Sharp.

229
00:15:24,021 --> 00:15:25,629
Now, Mr.

230
00:15:25,630 --> 00:15:26,850
Constance, I can't stop.

231
00:15:26,851 --> 00:15:29,269
All right, I've got you. Here you go.
There we are.

232
00:15:29,270 --> 00:15:31,620
Thanks, Mr. Constance. You almost took a
tumble.

233
00:15:34,070 --> 00:15:35,210
You dropped something.

234
00:15:35,350 --> 00:15:36,400
Oh, thank you.

235
00:15:36,570 --> 00:15:37,620
What is it?

236
00:15:38,030 --> 00:15:40,610
Well, Billy, that's called an amulet.

237
00:15:40,611 --> 00:15:43,449
That's a good luck piece for somebody
going on a trip.

238
00:15:43,450 --> 00:15:44,500
You going on a trip?

239
00:15:44,830 --> 00:15:45,880
Yes, I am.

240
00:15:46,170 --> 00:15:47,410
I'd like to go on a trip.

241
00:15:47,650 --> 00:15:48,970
Billy, you are on a trip.

242
00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:50,790
Me? Of course.

243
00:15:51,630 --> 00:15:53,740
You know, every day can be a new
adventure.

244
00:15:54,350 --> 00:15:57,110
someplace else to go, someone new to
see.

245
00:15:58,250 --> 00:16:02,649
And even if you have to stay here in one
place, there are books and pictures

246
00:16:02,650 --> 00:16:05,060
that can take you to the far corners of
the earth.

247
00:16:05,270 --> 00:16:08,970
And you know, Billy, it could be a
wonderful adventure.

248
00:16:10,390 --> 00:16:14,769
You must be careful not to take a wrong
turn or you'll end up in a stagnant

249
00:16:14,770 --> 00:16:16,970
swamp and there's no way out.

250
00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:19,430
You try not to do that.

251
00:16:21,570 --> 00:16:22,620
I don't understand.

252
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:25,300
Well, I guess I was thinking out loud.

253
00:16:26,180 --> 00:16:27,580
I have to go, Billy. Take care.

254
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:30,760
Bye, Mr. Compson. Have a nice trip.

255
00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:37,199
Hey, Mr. Compson, if you like to travel,
maybe you'd like to come to see the

256
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,100
movie. What movie is that?

257
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,740
At our school. It's about India.

258
00:16:42,340 --> 00:16:46,300
My teacher gave me six tickets to sell.
They're only 50 cents each.

259
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,600
Is that all? Well, I think I can afford
that.

260
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:52,540
Let's see now. Thanks, Mr.

261
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,870
Compson. They're the first ones I've
sold.

262
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,130
All right. So long.

263
00:16:57,500 --> 00:17:00,460
Hey, Mr. Constance, you forgot your
tickets.

264
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,260
Tickets for you, Mrs. Thompson.

265
00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:27,380
Billy Howard, get off my lawn.

266
00:17:27,819 --> 00:17:30,900
But I have some tickets for you. It's a
movie at our school.

267
00:17:30,901 --> 00:17:34,939
I'm not interested. Now, you know your
children are forbidden to come on my

268
00:17:34,940 --> 00:17:35,990
lawn.

269
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:40,739
But Mr. Thompson already paid for these
tickets. It's a movie about India

270
00:17:40,740 --> 00:17:41,759
tomorrow night.

271
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,540
I said I wasn't interested.

272
00:17:43,860 --> 00:17:46,320
Mr. Thompson knows that I never go out.

273
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:51,580
I can't. I'm not well enough. Now, go
on. Use the walk.

274
00:17:52,310 --> 00:17:54,840
If you're not well enough, how can you
go on a trip?

275
00:17:56,130 --> 00:17:57,180
What trip?

276
00:17:58,950 --> 00:18:00,330
What are you talking about?

277
00:18:00,930 --> 00:18:03,310
Mr. Compson told me he was going on a
trip.

278
00:18:04,530 --> 00:18:05,610
He did, did he?

279
00:18:06,570 --> 00:18:07,890
And where is this trip to?

280
00:18:08,230 --> 00:18:10,650
He's just as far away from here as he
could get.

281
00:18:11,210 --> 00:18:12,260
Where's that?

282
00:18:13,910 --> 00:18:15,210
It's no place at all.

283
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,130
He isn't going anywhere.

284
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:36,960
Do you have some rat poison?

285
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:38,770
Yes, sir.

286
00:18:44,020 --> 00:18:46,490
Now, if you have rats, this will take
care of them.

287
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,340
Is that painless?

288
00:18:49,660 --> 00:18:51,380
I don't know. I never took any.

289
00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:53,140
Of course.

290
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,630
I'm really looking for something that's
painless and quick.

291
00:18:57,460 --> 00:18:59,870
It sounds like you're planning a mercy
killing.

292
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:02,530
Here's what you want.

293
00:19:04,460 --> 00:19:05,900
Now, this is the newest stuff.

294
00:19:06,220 --> 00:19:08,180
They'll never know what hit them. I see.

295
00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:13,400
All right. Before you can buy that,
though, you have to sign a register.

296
00:19:15,260 --> 00:19:16,640
What's the reason for that?

297
00:19:18,420 --> 00:19:21,540
Oh, it's nothing serious. Just so we can
keep track. Oh.

298
00:19:44,490 --> 00:19:46,230
And is that you? I want to talk to you.

299
00:19:46,570 --> 00:19:47,620
Yes, I'll be right in.

300
00:20:13,070 --> 00:20:15,660
How did you get in? I didn't hear the
front door open.

301
00:20:17,710 --> 00:20:19,150
I came in through the kitchen.

302
00:20:21,310 --> 00:20:22,390
Sneaked in, you mean?

303
00:20:22,770 --> 00:20:24,090
Well, where have you been?

304
00:20:25,190 --> 00:20:26,830
I had to work late at the office.

305
00:20:27,470 --> 00:20:30,660
You never had to work late before. Your
job isn't that important.

306
00:20:31,650 --> 00:20:33,510
I had to make some final arrangements.

307
00:20:34,250 --> 00:20:35,510
For your wonderful trip?

308
00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:38,020
My trip?

309
00:20:38,350 --> 00:20:39,670
I heard all about it.

310
00:20:40,310 --> 00:20:41,570
Billy Howard told me.

311
00:20:42,730 --> 00:20:44,960
Now, Leonard, you can forget all about
that.

312
00:20:45,230 --> 00:20:47,880
There's no money being spent around here
on any trip.

313
00:20:50,370 --> 00:20:56,690
Well... It's too late to change my
plans.

314
00:20:58,150 --> 00:20:59,290
I've quit my job.

315
00:21:00,761 --> 00:21:02,709
You what?

316
00:21:02,710 --> 00:21:05,729
That's right. It's something I should
have done a long time ago. Oh, look at

317
00:21:05,730 --> 00:21:06,780
this.

318
00:21:07,490 --> 00:21:08,930
Here's the insurance policy.

319
00:21:09,430 --> 00:21:11,570
$5 ,000 I've cashed it in.

320
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:15,160
And I've already spent $4 ,780 of it.

321
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:17,660
You're lying. Oh, no, I'm not.

322
00:21:18,620 --> 00:21:19,670
Job is gone.

323
00:21:19,740 --> 00:21:20,790
Insurance is gone.

324
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:25,920
There's $220 left of that money and $20
in our savings account.

325
00:21:25,921 --> 00:21:29,479
There would have been more, of course,
but you spent every cent I ever earned

326
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:33,239
medicine and doctors for that illness
you seem to enjoy so much. Something's

327
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:36,279
happening to you. You're having a
nervous breakdown. I am not having a

328
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:37,330
breakdown.

329
00:21:39,140 --> 00:21:41,000
At last I've realized what I have to do.

330
00:21:41,001 --> 00:21:44,299
Anything would be better than to spend
another 30 years of the kind of life

331
00:21:44,300 --> 00:21:45,380
been leading with you.

332
00:21:45,381 --> 00:21:48,679
You've been out of that accident in
Haiti 15 years ago. You're strong as a

333
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:52,299
horse. Stop that. You stop it and you
stop being idiotic. You're not going

334
00:21:52,300 --> 00:21:53,920
anyplace because I won't let you.

335
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,300
There's nothing you can do about it.

336
00:21:56,301 --> 00:22:01,979
I don't know where I'm going exactly,
but anyplace would be better than this.

337
00:22:01,980 --> 00:22:03,160
You're out of your mind.

338
00:22:06,300 --> 00:22:08,770
There's someone at the door. You better
answer it.

339
00:22:09,180 --> 00:22:10,260
Me answer it?

340
00:22:10,261 --> 00:22:13,339
Do you hear what I said? Answer that
door. All right, Leonard.

341
00:22:13,340 --> 00:22:14,390
Hurry up. All right.

342
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:38,330
Good evening, madam.

343
00:22:39,850 --> 00:22:40,900
What is it?

344
00:22:41,210 --> 00:22:43,690
We have come for the body and
instructed.

345
00:22:44,150 --> 00:22:45,200
The body?

346
00:22:45,870 --> 00:22:46,920
Yes, madam.

347
00:22:48,670 --> 00:22:49,720
Leonard!

348
00:23:19,850 --> 00:23:24,709
I would like to make it clear that the
appearance of a suicide on our program

349
00:23:24,710 --> 00:23:30,510
no way constitutes an endorsement of
this as a solution to life's problems.

350
00:23:30,830 --> 00:23:34,410
There are many better means to get out
of a difficult situation.

351
00:23:35,170 --> 00:23:36,590
Money, for example.

352
00:23:37,130 --> 00:23:39,690
And now I shall return in a moment.

353
00:23:43,110 --> 00:23:45,110
That is all for tonight.

354
00:23:50,890 --> 00:23:53,910
I wonder if we could leave out
commercials now and then.

355
00:23:56,610 --> 00:23:58,790
Big brother never sleeps.

356
00:23:58,791 --> 00:24:00,719
Good night.

357
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:05,270
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